Number One Effective Leadership Skill

Leaders speak up when they need to. They speak up when others behave inappropriately. They speak up when they see dangerous things happening. They speak up when they see injustice. They speak up when they see discrimination. They speak up when they see stupid things happening.

One of my clients, a young Nurse Manager, this week realised that she needed to speak up on behalf of a patient she was concerned about. She revealed that, prior to undertaking leadership training and coaching, she would never have had the courage to speak up as she did, that she would have worried all night about her patient, not slept, become resentful with the rather scary team member whose care she was questioning, and generally tie herself up in knots over her passivity and lack of confidence. Not to mention the potentially very poor outcome for the patient.

Everyone (apart from confirmed sociopaths) fears confrontation. We avoid confrontation or difficult conversations because we fear the response, we fear losing control emotionally, we fear the other person not liking us and we fear not knowing the right words to say. In my years of training people in assertive communication, I cannot think of one person who says they enjoy confronting poor behaviour or work issues. It takes courage and preparation and rehearsal and support and more courage and practice and skill.

My client spoke up clearly and calmly, and arranged for a team review of the care of the very, very sick patient, some tweaks were made to the care and so far the patient is alive and on the improve. My client said she felt sick before, during and after the conversation but was so proud of her ability to stick to her course and achieve a good outcome for her patient and herself. She handed over to night shift, went home, had a sound night sleep and returned to work the next day to find the patient improved. Her colleague has displayed some sulky and passive-aggressive behaviours to her-code for “I don’t like what you said to me the other night” often used by sulky passive- aggressive types-common to all work places-in itself -a whole topic worthy of another blog!

I agreed that she had done the right thing for her patient and herself but also for her standing in her team. She had shown courage, calm and management accountability to the rest of the team. Even those nurses and doctors not on that night would have heard of the conversation-work grape vines work very well, especially when the boss takes charge and behaves as she did.

On reflection she told me that the key lesson from the experience was that she could speak up; that the experience was hard but with worthy outcomes and that it would never be so hard again! She is well on the road of her leadership journey.

The Story of the Nothing Box

Participants in the leadership and management programs that I am involved in love all of the program and workshop content (clever and appreciative little people that they are!) I can’t take all of the credit though –that must go to my wonderful guest speakers! One such gem is Avril Henry- who teaches the importance of understanding and appreciating diversity in the workplace- be it gender, generation or cultural diversity.

By far the most favourite bit is about how men and women think and communicate differently (Yes –it is true!) Men are much more single minded where as women not only multi task but multi think. Avril gives a wonderful analogy to highlight this. If you took the top off a man’s head and looked inside his brain -one can see a series of boxes- a “sport”  box, a “fishing or hobby “ box , a “family” box, a “work” box, a “ sex “ box, and a “nothing” box. Men have one box open at a time and we (females) are not welcome in that box. It is not our box. If the work box is open then that is what he is thinking of, if the sport box is open then that is the only focus .If the “nothing” box is open then that is genuinely what he is thinking of-“nothing” and that is fine-It doesn’t mean anything is wrong as many women assume. If you ask what your male partner is thinking and he says nothing-he means nothing! That is just his way of thinking.

Conversely if you looked inside a woman’s brain you see a big ball of string all interconnected so that women can be thinking of work, family, friends, TV shows, books, gossip etc all at once. We rarely have nothing on our mind- So if you are having relationship angst around how your man (and male work colleagues) communicates, it may be helpful to consider what box is open and respect that nothing box!

It is not uncommon after the workshop for participants to ask Avril to go home with them and explain the nothing box to their wives or girlfriends. One participant felt it was a message worthy of national broadcasting and inclusion in all school curriculums-so thrilled he was to have his thinking of nothing moments validated and decriminalised.

Stay tuned for the next instalment-The Story of the Diminishing Daily Word Usage.

Wobbly about Goal Setting

I have been asked to be a guest speaker at local women’s networking group tomorrow night. I love speaking to groups of women and love the business promotion opportunities that they provide- in fact I love speaking full stop-just ask anyone who knows me! * Yet I am currently uncharacteristically, underwhelmed at the prospect, as the topic is “goal setting”.


Now goal setting is basically the bread and butter of any good coaching session so I should be filled with enthusiasm and ideas for the talk. So what does this uncommon reluctance tell me? Like all good coaches, I do lots of self reflecting-Why am I feeling this reaction? What is the deeper meaning here? How can I make the talk tomorrow evening helpful and engaging for the people who come?

This is what I have discovered from my self questioning.

We are bombarded with messages- internally-by ourselves and externally- by others- about goal setting- lose weight, get rich, spend less, be kinder etc etc-particularly at this time of year-Post NYE and the start of the working year -so my reluctance comes from knowing that many such goals are set, yet many more are discarded, not met and so the whole exercise becomes a bit of a downer. So I am concerned that people will just hear goal setting and switch off.

Therefore, I have decided that the crux of my talk will be to inspire people to take some time out of their busy lives and plan how they want their life to be in 2012-in all it’s glory-work, play, study, money, travel-whatever -then choose the domain that they want to make the biggest change and decide what needs to happen first to help that change happen-so before they know it my audience would have set themselves a target and the g.o.a.l. word has not even been mentioned!**

In conclusion I will remind the audience that the most successful people never tackle such a change program on their own and to encourage them to understand change takes time, support of others and rewarding of small steps. I’ll let you know how it goes.

By the way-what are your tips for effective goal setting?

* In case you are worried about what sort of coach I would be please, be re-assured I am an excellent listener as well (and modest, as you can already tell)

** I will use a Mind Mapping technique- a very powerful and easy way to plan, and then review your life.

Awesome

One of my favourite websites is TED.It is a perfect repository of inspirational, uplifting, entertaining and engaging 18 minute video talks by famous and not so famous people about ideas worth spreading. The talks are the perfect teaching tool for adult educators -particularly in the dreaded after lunch time slot-No workshop participant of mine has ever gone to sleep during a TED talk (or checked their iphone facebook or twitter account surreptitiously under the desk)

I was conducting a workshop recently – on workplace happiness - and showed the group this TED talk on the Three A’s of Awesome. It is a powerful reminder of the importance of seeing the joy and wonder in the simple, often taken for granted things  in our lives-hot coffee, clean sheets, flowers, taps with water, crisp toast, earl grey tea( my personal early morning tipple) – a much needed message in our frantic rushed stressed lives .Give yourself 18 minutes, watch the video and let me know what is awesome for you at the moment!

One Smart Cookie

One of Redgate’s clients is new to management. She is a very clever, experienced health professional yet smart enough to know that knowing how to treat and diagnose patients does not mean that she will also know how to lead and manage people (a common myth in Australian healthcare settings) so she is doing leadership and management training to help her feel more comfortable and competent in her new role.
The leadership program involves a lot of self assessment and reflection- because you can’t manage anyone –until you can manage and know yourself. This client knows she is naturally very task oriented-an essential management skill -and she also knows that she is self contained, private, almost an introvert and gets impatient with people who waffle or wants lots of hand holding and reassurance-characteristics that can lead team members to see such leaders as aloof and disinterested. She is aware of this potential barrier to building staff morale, trust and productivity and has come up with a smart system to address it.
My client knows that she needs to make personal contact with her team frequently and that she needs to make those contacts positive and affirming .To help herself do this she has a checklist with every team members name on it that she looks at the end of every week to record her progress. Her goal is to have at least one positive face to face (not email) contact with each person a week.

Not rocket science as they say-just a methodical approach to ensuring core leadership behaviour of reaching out in a supportive way to all team members becomes second nature!

How is she progressing? Three months down the track, she is meeting her weekly positive contact goals, the team is working well, there are no performance issues and she is growing in confidence.

Think before you speak

Ok dear readers-turn off the mobile, radio, TV, eyes to the screen, pull your chair close and listen up-this blog is about communication-something we give scant attention to. A lovely client of mine this week was bemoaning that his exercises in assertive communication were not going so well. He was trying to get his boss and allied HR people in his company to help him with a long over due and much deserved pay rise and was hitting a brick wall at every turn. I asked what he had done and this is the story .He had written the appropriate brief and request as per company policy -sent it off-heard nothing- he had emailed the appropriate person -heard nothing-emailed again-heard nothing-then left a voice mail-heard nothing back. Can you see a pattern emerging here?


In coaching, this recount brought us to what is called a “teachable moment”-so we took a close look at what communication actually is –to understand the breakdown that was occurring.

If we use email or voice mail or snail mail-all the power of response is with the receiver of the message-not the sender. They can ignore, throw away, delete our preciously crafted message and all has been for nought .In my clients case, his "receivers" are clearly not interested in helping him with his rightful request so can easily duck and weave by ignoring his messages.My client 0- his boss 1

Assertive communication (win-win) is when both parties have equal power of send and reply ,and therefore needs the most balanced channel-face to face or phone. It is a lot harder to wiggle away from a well crafted, clear, concise, respectful message delivered calmly and firmly ( which by the way is the formula for assertive communication)in person or on the phone.

So my lovely client has his revised homework-to make an appointment time and have the needed exchange in person .This way, he takes back some of the power and may get the response required or not. At least he will know he has persisted -and that my friends,is the key to navigating the murky waters of standing up for yourself at work.

Wise Women

I attended the Macquarie University Leadership Conference  last week.My idea of heaven! I love learning and I love meeting and hearing successful women talk about their own leadership journey . I was inspired by Andrea Culligan who gave her fast-track to leadership tips during one of the sessions.

Status means nothing and has no influence on your future

Andrea was a self confessed high school drop out who arrived in Australia, from the northern hemisphere with $300, escaping life dramas and a seemingly bleak future.Since then, over the last 10 years Andrea has established Unimail, an agency that specialises in the field of graduate attraction and engagement. She has taken this concept to Canada. In 2009 she was awarded Telstra NSW Young Businesswoman of the Year. Andrea is rightly proud of her achievements with no initial social, economic or educational  advantages.

Self Awareness

Knowing yourself is essential to business success.Andrea has surrounded herself with people who complement  her strengths and balance her weaknesses.

Set High Expectations for Yourself

Andrea has set high goals and standards of behaviour and hard work for herself  and is uncompromising about how this has set her up for ongoing success

Make Mistakes

Andrea says she has learnt as much  from what didn't work ,as what did  work over the last 10 years.

Be Open to Every Opportunity, Experience and New Ideas

Andrea feels very strongly that this has enabled her to see opportunities and develop innovative and creative ways to promote her brand and her business.

Fabulous and timeless tips from a courageous, talented , hard working inspiring leader.
Which one resonates with you?